The evidence

Why smallgrief works the way it does

Our guidance draws on Understanding Child and Adolescent Grief (ed. Carrie Arnold, Routledge, 2018) and the research it brings together, with activity ideas adapted from Child Bereavement UK and Kent Educational Psychology Service. Everything is in our own words.

Children understand death in stages

Most children grasp that death is universal, permanent, total and has a cause by about age 7, and the idea of an ongoing connection by about 10.

Speece & Brent; Piaget

Plain words prevent confusion

Phrases like 'went to sleep' or 'lost' lead to fear and magical thinking. 'Died' is clearer and kinder.

Webb; Goldman

Children grieve in doses

Healthy grief moves back and forth between facing the loss and getting on with life. Children do this in short bursts.

Stroebe & Schut, Dual Process Model; Webb

Staying connected is healthy

An ongoing bond with the person who died helps children integrate a loss, and it changes as they grow.

Klass, Silverman & Nickman, Continuing Bonds

The caring adult matters most

A secure, available caregiver and a family that functions well are the strongest protection.

Bowlby; Ainsworth; Siegel; Circle of Security

Unrecognised grief gets harder

Grief that others dismiss, such as for a pet, friend or baby sibling, intensifies anger, guilt and loneliness.

Doka, disenfranchised grief

Most children recover; some need more help

About half of children's grief eases within a year. Around 1 in 10 have prolonged grief that benefits from professional support.

Melhem et al.; Bonanno

Art lets children tell their story

Drawing, masks and play let children express what they can't yet put into words.

Malchiodi; Landreth; O'Donovan

Resilience comes from ordinary things

Caring relationships, meaningful contribution and everyday routines build resilience.

Masten; Benard; Ungar; Goldman

Asking about suicide is safe

Asking directly does not increase risk. Safety plans made with the young person work better than promises.

Mathias et al.; McMyler & Pryjmachuk

Traumatic grief needs specialist help

When how someone died blocks grieving, it doesn't resolve alone, and trauma-focused therapy helps.

Cohen & Mannarino; Freedy

Breath helps feel hard feelings safely

Simple mindful breathing gives children a safe way to feel and release big emotions.

Hunter; Porges, polyvagal theory

Every activity, and why it's here

Activity	Ages	Why it helps
Feelings weather	3–5, 6–8, 9–12, 13–17	Naming a feeling makes it easier to manage. A daily check-in also helps you and your grown-up notice patterns over time.
Name my feelings	3–5, 6–8, 9–12, 13–17	Grieving children often lack words for what they feel. Learning that many mixed feelings are normal makes them less frightening.
Where do I feel it?	6–8, 9–12	Grief shows up as tummy aches, tight chests and headaches. Noticing where helps a child calm their body.
Feelings thermometer	9–12, 13–17	Rating a feeling helps you notice when it's getting too big, and when to reach for help.
How heavy is it today?	3–5, 6–8, 9–12	Showing the size of grief, rather than finding words for it, helps young children say how they are, and lets grown-ups track change over time.
Fizzy feelings	6–8, 9–12	Children learn that feelings kept in get bigger, and that letting them out slowly and safely is better than exploding.
Outside face, inside face	9–12, 13–17	Many grieving children wear a happy mask. Noticing the gap, and choosing someone safe to show, helps them stop carrying it alone.
My week of ups and downs	6–8, 9–12, 13–17	Grief comes in waves. Seeing the ups as well as the downs helps children understand that hard days pass and good days come back.
Balloon breathing	3–5, 6–8, 9–12, 13–17	Slow breathing calms the body's alarm system, so hard feelings can be felt without being overwhelming.
Stop, look, listen	6–8, 9–12	A mindfulness practice for children: notice a big feeling, breathe, and let it pass without hurting anyone.
Feelings are clouds	6–8, 9–12, 13–17	Watching feelings come and go teaches that even the biggest feeling changes.
Calm colouring	3–5, 6–8, 9–12, 13–17	Slow, focused colouring settles a busy mind and gives a break from big feelings, which is part of healthy grieving.
Memory box	3–5, 6–8, 9–12, 13–17	Collecting memories and special objects keeps a healthy connection with the person who died and stops memories fading.
A letter to someone who died	6–8, 9–12, 13–17	Writing to the person who died is a way to say what didn't get said, say goodbye, or share news. Many grieving young people do it.
Paint a memory stone	3–5, 6–8, 9–12	A memory stone is something small and solid to hold when you miss someone, a simple linking object.
Carry it on	6–8, 9–12, 13–17	Carrying on someone's interests or habits is a healthy way of staying connected.
Thankful tree	3–5, 6–8, 9–12	Noticing what is still good, without pretending the sad isn't there, builds resilience and hope.
A goodbye plan	3–5, 6–8, 9–12	A ritual the child helps plan, even a small one, makes the death real and gives them a part to play.
Questions kids ask	3–5, 6–8, 9–12, 13–17	Without honest answers, children fill the gaps themselves, often by blaming themselves.
What does dead mean?	3–5, 6–8	Young children don't yet understand that death is permanent and that the body stops working completely. Simple, concrete examples help them get there.
Feed the worry monster	3–5, 6–8, 9–12	Getting worries out of your head and handing them over, then talking them through with a grown-up, makes them easier to manage, especially at bedtime.
My top five worries	6–8, 9–12, 13–17	Writing worries down and choosing a grown-up to share them with makes them easier to manage.
Spin the coping wheel	6–8, 9–12, 13–17	Having a ready-made list of things that help means children don't have to think straight in a hard moment.
My look-after-me kit	6–8, 9–12, 13–17	Collecting comforting things in advance gives a child something to reach for when emotions rise, and a sense of control.
Safe box and scary box	3–5, 6–8	Moving fears outside yourself, and collecting the things that make you feel safe, gives a child a sense of control.
Who is there for me?	6–8, 9–12, 13–17	Caring relationships are the strongest protection for grieving children. Seeing your circle helps you know where to turn.
Days that might be hard	6–8, 9–12, 13–17	Grief often returns on special days. Planning something together helps.
Grief on your phone	13–17	Most teens grieve partly online. It can help a lot, and it has real risks.
My plan for hard moments	13–17	A plan written ahead of time is much easier to use in a bad moment. Plans young people help write work better than promises.
What I was to them	9–12, 13–17	When someone dies you can lose a role too: best friend, teammate, big sister. Honouring it helps you work out who you are now.
Do something good	6–8, 9–12, 13–17	Helping others, raising money or speaking up gives grieving young people a sense of purpose and control.
Draw it	3–5, 6–8, 9–12, 13–17	Drawing lets children tell their story without needing words. Talking about the picture afterwards helps even more.

smallgrief supports families. It doesn't replace therapy, and it points families to professional help when the signs call for it.