Ages 13 to 17
How teenagers grieve
What they understand, how grief shows, what helps, and the questions they ask.
What they understand
- Teenagers understand death as adults do, and often ask big questions like 'what's the point?' or 'what if I died?'. These need gentle follow-up, because they can sometimes signal suicidal thinking.
- Strong feelings and still-developing self-control can mean more impulsive behaviour.
- They are often torn between acting grown up and needing to be looked after.
How grief can show
- Seeming fine or indifferent, going quiet, or turning to friends instead of family
- Moodiness, poor concentration and sleep problems
- Risk-taking, drinking or drugs
- Taking on adult jobs at home
What helps
- Adults who stay reliably available, even when the teen pushes away
- Not reading quiet as coping. Teens often hide grief to fit in, then get no support
- A real role in the funeral or celebration of life
- Journaling, music, art, and friends who treat them normally
Questions they ask
“Was it my fault?”
Guilt is one of the most common parts of grief, even when it makes no sense. Write down what you feel guilty about and show someone you trust. Usually it looks different once it's out of your head.
“Will they come back?”
No. Wanting them back so much it hurts is normal. If you ever feel you want to be with them so much that you think about dying, please tell someone today.
“Will you die too?”
After a death, everyone's mortality feels closer. That's a real, common feeling. Talking about it, even if it's awkward, usually helps.
“Where are they now?”
Nobody knows for certain, and people's beliefs differ a lot. Your own ideas might change over time, and that's OK.
“Is it OK to have fun?”
Yes. Laughing at a party a week after the funeral doesn't mean you didn't love them. Grief and joy can sit side by side.
“Will I forget them?”
Some details fade, which can feel like losing them again. Saving voice notes, photos and stories now helps. So does asking people who knew them for their memories.
“Why do I feel nothing?”
Numbness is a normal grief response, a kind of protective shutdown. If it lasts for months, or comes with feeling hopeless, talk to someone.
“Why do I feel so angry?”
Anger is a valid part of grief, especially if the death feels unfair or wrong. Exercise, music and writing can help. If it's spilling into fights or risk-taking, talk to someone.
Activities for this age
Feelings weather
What's the weather like inside you today?
3–5 · 6–8 · 9–12 · 13–17
Name my feelings
Pick every feeling you have. All of them are allowed.
3–5 · 6–8 · 9–12 · 13–17
Feelings thermometer
How big is the feeling, from 1 to 10?
9–12 · 13–17
Outside face, inside face
The face you show, and what's really underneath.
9–12 · 13–17
My week of ups and downs
Draw the ups and downs of your week, like a rollercoaster.
6–8 · 9–12 · 13–17
Balloon breathing
Breathe in calm, like filling a big balloon.
3–5 · 6–8 · 9–12 · 13–17
Feelings are clouds
Thoughts and feelings drift and change, like clouds.
6–8 · 9–12 · 13–17
Calm colouring
Fill a peaceful picture with colour, one shape at a time.
3–5 · 6–8 · 9–12 · 13–17
Memory box
Keep your favourite memories of them safe.
3–5 · 6–8 · 9–12 · 13–17
Plus 6 short workshops in their own space, like What happened, All my feelings, Remembering someone special. Set up for your child