Ages 6 to 8
How 6 to 8 year olds understand death
What they understand, how grief shows, what helps, and the questions they ask.
What they understand
- Around age 7, most children come to understand four things: everyone dies eventually, death can't be undone, the body stops working completely, and there is a real cause.
- Magical thinking can last until about 7, so self-blame is still common. They take words literally.
- They may start to worry that you, or they, will die too.
How grief can show
- Sadness, anger and worry, often in bursts
- Worry about other family members being safe
- Sleep problems, tummy aches and headaches
- Trouble concentrating at school, and losing interest in things for a while
What helps
- Honest answers about the cause, in simple words
- Plain words: 'died' and 'dead', never 'went to sleep' or 'lost'
- Concrete things to do: drawing, a memory box, a goodbye letter
- Letting them move between grieving and playing without comment
Questions they ask
“Was it my fault?”
No. Nothing you did, said or thought made this happen. Even if you were cross with them, or wished something mean, that can't make someone die.
“Will they come back?”
No. Dying means the body stops working forever. It's OK to wish they could come back. Lots of people wish that.
“Will you die too?”
Everyone dies one day, but most people live until they're old. If you're worried, tell your grown-up. They'll tell you who would look after you, so you always know.
“Where are they now?”
Their body is buried or cremated. Families believe different things about what happens after. Ask your grown-up what they believe, and what you think.
“Is it OK to have fun?”
Yes. Having fun doesn't mean you've forgotten they or don't care. Grief comes in waves, and happy times in between are good.
“Will I forget them?”
Memories can fade a bit, so it helps to keep them safe. Try the Memory box activity.
“Why do I feel nothing?”
Sometimes feelings hide for a while because they're so big. That's OK. They'll come when they're ready.
“Why do I feel so angry?”
Anger is a normal grief feeling. You might be angry at the person, at the doctors, or at everyone. Let it out safely: run, punch a pillow, draw it.
Activities for this age
Feelings weather
What's the weather like inside you today?
3–5 · 6–8 · 9–12 · 13–17
Name my feelings
Pick every feeling you have. All of them are allowed.
3–5 · 6–8 · 9–12 · 13–17
Where do I feel it?
Feelings live in our bodies too. Tap where you feel yours.
6–8 · 9–12
How heavy is it today?
Is your sadness a tiny pebble or a giant boulder today?
3–5 · 6–8 · 9–12
Fizzy feelings
What happens when feelings get shaken up and bottled in?
6–8 · 9–12
My week of ups and downs
Draw the ups and downs of your week, like a rollercoaster.
6–8 · 9–12 · 13–17
Balloon breathing
Breathe in calm, like filling a big balloon.
3–5 · 6–8 · 9–12 · 13–17
Stop, look, listen
Big feelings are like a loud truck. Watch it drive by.
6–8 · 9–12
Feelings are clouds
Thoughts and feelings drift and change, like clouds.
6–8 · 9–12 · 13–17
Plus 6 short workshops in their own space, like What happened, All my feelings, Remembering someone special. Set up for your child