Course · 4 steps
Finding the words
Many children don't talk about a death, not because they're fine, but because they're protecting you or don't have the words. This course gives you both easy ways in.
When your child seems quiet, or you're not sure how to start talking about it.
About one step a week is a good pace, but go at your child's speed.
Opening the door
Children often wait for permission to talk. Showing them it's safe to ask, and that you won't fall apart, opens the door.
In your child's space
What happened (4 short parts)Things to talk about
- Try talking side by side, not face to face: in the car, walking, drawing or cooking.
- Say: “You can ask me anything about them, any time. I'd rather you asked than wondered.”
- If they don't want to talk, that's OK. Try again another day.
Naming feelings
Children who can name a feeling can begin to manage it. Many have never had words for guilt, anger or relief.
In your child's space
All my feelings (5 short parts)Unlock to openThings to talk about
- Use the feelings weather together: “I'm cloudy today. What's your weather?”
- Ask: “Is there a feeling about them that's hard to say out loud?”
- If your child is angry, say: “It makes sense to feel angry. Let's find a safe way to let it out.”
The hard questions
Children often carry questions they're afraid to ask, about the death, about who's next, about themselves. Bringing them into the open makes them smaller.
In your child's space
Looking after me (4 short parts)Unlock to openThings to talk about
- Ask: “Is there anything about them dying that you've been wondering about, but haven't asked?”
- If you don't know an answer, say so: “I don't know, but I'll try to find out.”
- Ask: “If you could have one more minute with them, what would you say?”
Keep talking
Grief isn't one conversation. Children come back to it as they grow and understand more. Keeping the door open matters most.
In your child's space
Ups and downs (4 short parts)Unlock to openTogether
Our memory jar (25 min)Things to talk about
- Pick a regular time to remember them together, like Sunday tea or bedtime.
- Say their name. Children often worry that talking about them will upset you.
- Tell your child: “Whenever you want to talk about them, I'll stop what I'm doing.”