Course · 4 steps
The first few weeks
In the early days, children need three things most: honest words, to feel safe, and to know their feelings are allowed. This course keeps things short, gentle and simple.
When the death was recent: days or a few weeks ago.
About one step a week is a good pace, but go at your child's speed. Your child sees these steps as a path in their space, without the grown-up parts.
Honest wordsNext
Children cope better with the truth, told simply, than with gaps they fill in themselves. Gaps usually get filled with something scarier, often their own fault.
In your child's space
What happened (4 short parts)Together
No workshop this step. The talking is the together part.
Things to talk about
- Ask: “What have you heard about how they died?” Gently put right anything that isn't true.
- Say it plainly: “Nothing you did, said or thought made them die.”
- Tell your child what will stay the same this week: who will look after them, school, bedtime.
Feeling safe
A death can shake a child's sense that the world is safe, and that the people they love will be there. Routines and reassurance rebuild it.
In your child's space
Feeling safe again (4 short parts)Unlock to openTogether
No workshop this step. The talking is the together part.
Things to talk about
- Ask: “Is there anything that's been worrying you since they died?”
- Answer the three big questions before they're asked: Did I cause it? Could it happen to me? Who will look after me?
- Keep bedtime the same, and tell your child where you'll be if they wake up.
Big feelings
Grief comes in short bursts. Children can be crying one minute and playing the next. Both are normal, and both are grief.
In your child's space
All my feelings (5 short parts)Unlock to openTogether
No workshop this step. The talking is the together part.
Things to talk about
- Share one feeling of your own, simply: “I'm sad today because I miss them.” It shows feelings are allowed.
- Ask: “What does missing them feel like in your body?”
- Tell your child it's OK to laugh and have fun too. It doesn't mean they've forgotten.
Saying goodbye
Funerals and memorials help children understand that the death is real, and that people come together to remember.
In your child's space
Remembering someone special (5 short parts)Unlock to openTogether
Our memory jar (25 min)Things to talk about
- Explain what will happen at the funeral or memorial, step by step, and let your child choose whether to go.
- Ask: “Is there something you'd like to give or say to them?” A drawing, a letter, a song.
- Share one favourite memory of them each at teatime.