Telling your child

Tell them yourself, as soon as you can, somewhere quiet. If you can't, choose someone they trust. It's much harder for a child to hear from a classmate or a phone.

Use the real words: died, dead, death. They feel harsh to adults, but they are kind to children because they're clear.

Give a short, true reason. A child who isn't told the cause will invent one, and invented causes are usually worse and often involve themselves.

Then stop and let them respond. Some will cry, some will ask to go and play. Both are normal.

Expect to tell them again. Young children may ask the same question every day for weeks. Each time, answer calmly and truthfully.