School pack · Class teachers and form tutors
Talking to the class
What to say, phase by phase, how to answer questions, and how to talk about a death by suicide safely.
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Agree the words with the family first, and ask the bereaved pupil whether they want to be there, want a friend to be there, or would rather be elsewhere. Tell their closest friends separately and a little earlier if you can.
Choose a time with space afterwards: not just before home time or a test. Have a second adult in the room if possible. Keep it short, true and calm. It's fine to show you are sad; it shows pupils that feelings are allowed.
Early Years and KS1 (ages 3 to 7)
EYFS and KS1 · US pre-K to grade 2
You could say
I have something sad to tell you. Amir's grandad has died.
When someone dies, their body stops working. They can't breathe or eat or feel anything, and they can't come back.
Amir is feeling very sad. He might be quiet, or cross, or want to play like normal. All of those are OK.
Nothing anyone here did or said made this happen.
If you feel sad or have a question, you can come and tell me or Mrs Cole. You can ask me anything.
Try to avoid
- Avoid: 'Grandad went to sleep' or 'we lost him': young children take words literally.
- Avoid: 'He's gone to a better place' as a fact. Families believe different things.
- Avoid: Long explanations. Three or four short sentences, then let them ask.
KS2 (ages 7 to 11)
KS2 · US grades 2 to 6
You could say
I need to tell you some sad news. Over the weekend, Lily's mum died. She had been very ill with cancer for a long time.
Lily will be off school for a little while. When she comes back, she might want to talk, or she might not. The kindest thing is to treat her like you always do and be a good friend.
You can't catch the illness Lily's mum had.
You might feel sad, worried, or nothing much at all. All of those are normal. Some of you might be remembering someone you've lost too.
If you have questions or worries, you can talk to me, Mr Hale, or put a note in the worry box.
Try to avoid
- Avoid: Making up details to fill a silence. 'I don't know' is an honest answer.
- Avoid: Asking the class to keep it a secret from the bereaved pupil.
- Avoid: 'Be strong for Lily.' Pupils don't need a job, just permission to be normal.
KS3, KS4 and sixth form (ages 11 to 18)
KS3 to sixth form · US grades 6 to 12
You could say
I've got some very sad news to share, and I want you to hear it properly from us rather than online. Jordan, who was in Year 10, died yesterday in a road accident.
His family have asked us to share this, and to ask you not to post about it or share rumours.
People react in very different ways: shock, anger, numbness, needing to talk, needing to be busy. All of those are normal.
Room 14 is open all day with staff there if you need time out. You don't need to explain why.
If you're worried about yourself or a friend, tell a member of staff today.
Try to avoid
- Avoid: Details of how the person died beyond what the family has agreed.
- Avoid: Suggesting there is a 'right' way to feel or a time to be over it.
- Avoid: Letting the conversation become a debate about blame.
Answering questions
- Answer simply and truthfully, then check: 'Does that answer your question?'
- It's fine to say 'I don't know' or 'That's a question for Amir's family, not for us.'
- Expect the same question many times, especially from younger pupils. Answer it calmly each time.
- Questions about bodies, coffins and what happens next are normal curiosity, not disrespect.
- For questions about heaven or what happens after death, say that people believe different things and ask the family what they believe.
- If a question is too personal to the family, gently redirect: 'That's private to Lily's family. What I can tell you is…'
After the conversation
Give a calm activity
Return to something familiar and gentle: a story, drawing, or quiet reading. Routine is reassuring.
Watch who is struggling
Note pupils who seem very upset, very quiet, or who have been bereaved themselves. Check in with them before the end of the day.
Let parents know
Send a short letter home the same day so parents can support their child (see Letters).
Brief the next adult
Tell whoever teaches the class next, and the lunchtime team, what was said.
Look after yourself
This is hard to do well. Find a colleague afterwards for five minutes.
When the death was by suicide
KS3 to sixth form, adapt for younger pupils with the family
You could say
I need to share some very sad news. Sam in Year 11 has died. His family have asked us to tell you that he died by suicide.
We don't know all the reasons, and we may never know. What we do know is that suicide is never anyone's fault, and that help is always available.
If you are having thoughts of dying or hurting yourself, please tell an adult today. You won't be in trouble, and you won't be a burden.
You can also talk to Childline (0800 1111), Shout (Text SHOUT to 85258) and Papyrus HOPELINEUK (0800 068 4141).
Staff are in the library all day if you'd like to talk or just sit somewhere quiet.
Try to avoid
- Avoid: Any details of method or place, in words, images or answers to questions.
- Avoid: 'Committed suicide' (it suggests a crime) or 'successful' / 'failed attempt'.
- Avoid: Presenting the death as peaceful, brave, romantic or as a solution to problems.
- Avoid: A single cause ('it was because of exams'). Suicide is almost always complex.
- Avoid: Using the word 'suicide' before the family has agreed. Until they do, say 'died suddenly' and talk to your DSL.