School pack · Class teachers, form tutors, heads of year and SENCos
Planning their return
A simple plan made with the parent and pupil: who knows, a safe space, a time-out signal and a named adult.
← The school packWhen a pupil comes back is the parent's decision. Some children want to return within days because school feels normal; others need longer. Either is fine. What matters is that the return is planned with the parent, the teacher and, as far as they can manage, the pupil.
Acknowledge the death privately and early: a quiet 'I'm so sorry about your dad. I'm here if you want to talk, and if you don't, that's fine too' is far better than saying nothing. Silence can feel like nobody cares.
Return planner
Fill this in together with the parent and pupil. Skip anything that doesn't fit.
Making the return plan
Meet before the first day
A short meeting or call with the parent (and the pupil if they want) a day or two before. Fill in the planner above together.
Agree who knows what
Ask the pupil what they'd like the class to know, and whether they want to tell people themselves, have you do it, or have nothing said.
Ease the first morning
Offer to meet them at the gate or office, arrive a few minutes early, or come in with a friend. A familiar face at the door helps.
Write it down and share it
Share the plan with every adult who teaches the pupil, so nobody asks them to explain or questions a time-out card.
Review it
Set a review date, usually two to four weeks in. Plans change as grief changes.
A time-out card
- A small card or agreed sign (for younger pupils, a picture; for older, a discreet card in a planner) that lets the pupil leave a lesson without explaining.
- Agree where they go and who they tell, so they're never unaccounted for.
- Agree how long, for example ten minutes, then back or a check-in with the named adult.
- Make sure supply and cover staff know about it, or it can't work.
- Expect it to be used a lot at first, then less. If use increases over time, talk to the parent.
A safe space
- Somewhere quiet and supervised: the library, a nurture room, the SENCo's office, a pastoral base.
- Have something calming there: paper and pens, a fidget, a book, water.
- Let the pupil take a friend sometimes, if they'd like.
- It's a place to calm down and come back from, not a punishment or a place to hide all day.
Homework and deadlines
- Grief affects memory and concentration. Reduce or pause homework for a few weeks rather than letting it pile up.
- Agree extensions in advance, so the pupil doesn't have to ask each time.
- For KS4 and sixth form, talk to the exams officer early about special consideration and access arrangements.
- Keep expectations warm and steady: lowering them a little for a while is kind; dropping them entirely can feel like being written off.
The named adult
One adult who checks in quietly, every day at first, makes a real difference. In one account, a bereaved ten-year-old said what helped most was a teacher who asked each morning, privately, 'How's today?', and accepted 'fine' as an answer while making it clear the door was open.
The check-in doesn't have to be about grief. It's a signal: someone here knows, and someone here is watching out for you.
Words the pupil can use with classmates
Practise these with the pupil if they'd like
You could say
Thanks for asking. I don't really want to talk about it right now.
Yeah, my mum died. I'm OK today. Can we talk about something else?
I'd rather just do normal stuff.
I'm having a hard day. I'm going to see Miss Patel.
Try to avoid
- Avoid: Peers asking for details of how the person died. Gently help the class understand that's private.
- Avoid: Pupils treating the bereaved child as fragile, or avoiding them because they don't know what to say. 'Just be normal with them' is good advice to give.