School pack · Headteachers, senior leaders, DSLs and heads of year
When a pupil or member of staff dies
Crisis steps, the empty desk, the first register, memorials, funerals and social media.
← The school packThe first day
Confirm the facts
Speak to the family, or the police if they are involved. Don't act on rumour.
Bring the crisis team together
Head, DSL, pastoral leads and the office. Agree roles: who contacts the family, who handles media, who briefs staff.
Contact the family
A senior leader and the staff member closest to the family. Ask what they want shared, and offer condolences from the school.
Brief all staff before pupils
Ideally before school. Give the agreed statement, the plan for the day, and where support is.
Tell pupils in small groups
Classes or tutor groups, all at the same time, using the same words. Tell the closest friends separately first.
Open a quiet room
Staffed all day. Pupils can come without explaining.
Write to parents the same day
So they hear it from you and can support their child (see Letters).
Keep routines going
Closing usually isn't helpful: school is where pupils can be together with adults who can support them.
The empty desk and belongings
- Don't clear the desk, peg or locker straight away, and don't leave it untouched for months either.
- Ask the closest friends what they think should happen, then talk to the class.
- Offer belongings and work to the family. Ask before sending anything.
- When the seating changes, acknowledge it with the class rather than doing it quietly overnight.
The first register
- Take the name off the register before the first session after the death, so it isn't called by accident.
- Acknowledge it out loud: 'This is our first register without Ella. It feels strange and sad.'
- Ask the class how they would like to remember her, now or later.
- Make sure supply and cover staff know before they take a register.
A school memorial
Ask the family first
Always get the family's consent before any memorial, and invite them to shape it.
Let pupils lead
Ask pupils what they'd like: an assembly, a tree, a bench, a garden, a page in the yearbook, a charity event.
Keep it dignified and consistent
Every death should be marked in a similar way, so no family feels their child mattered less.
After a suicide
Mark the death as you would any other, but avoid permanent memorials, and anything that could glamorise or draw vulnerable pupils toward the death. Ask your educational psychology service for advice.
Think about the long term
A tree or a planted garden grows and changes. A plaque stays the same while pupils move on. Agree how anniversaries will be marked.
Funerals
- Ask the family whether school staff and pupils are welcome. Some want a private funeral.
- If pupils will go, consult their parents, and ask parents to go with younger pupils.
- Prepare pupils for what happens at a funeral, especially if they've never been to one.
- Plan cover so staff who were close to the person can attend.
- Expect pupils to be upset the next day. Plan a calm start.
Social media and rumours
- Older pupils will often know before you do. Assume it's already online and move quickly.
- Correct rumours with facts, calmly and without blame.
- Ask pupils not to post photos, speculation or details, out of respect for the family.
- Online memorial pages are common and can help, but should be watched by staff for hurtful or worrying posts.
- Pass every media enquiry to one named person. Staff should not comment.
When a member of staff dies
Pupils grieve teachers, teaching assistants, cooks and caretakers, sometimes very deeply. Tell pupils in the same careful way, and remember that colleagues are grieving too while trying to look after the children.
Agree with the family what can be shared, and how the school will mark the death. Arrange cover so close colleagues aren't immediately teaching that person's classes.
Questions schools often ask
What should we do with the pupil's desk and belongings?
Ask their close friends first, then acknowledge it with the class. Offer belongings to the family when they are ready. Avoid clearing everything quietly overnight.
What happens at the first register?
Remove the name in advance so it isn't read out by mistake. Acknowledge the death openly, and ask the class how they would like to remember the person.
Should we cancel exams, trips or planned events?
Usually not. Routine is protective. Consider moving events that are very close to the funeral, and offer individual arrangements to those most affected.
Should the school close?
Rarely. School is a safe place to grieve together with trusted adults. Closing can leave pupils alone with the news and with social media.
Who should contact the family?
The person with the best relationship with them, ideally going as two staff together. A call or card from a senior leader as well is usually appreciated.
Should staff and pupils go to the funeral?
Ask the family. If pupils are welcome, talk to their parents first and make sure they are prepared and accompanied.
A pupil asked me if the person is in heaven. What do I say?
Say that people believe different things. Ask the family what they believe, and follow their lead with their child. You can say 'What do you think?'
How long should a memory board stay up?
Agree it with the pupils. A few weeks is common. Photograph it before you take it down, and offer the pieces to the family.
A child says they've seen the person who died. How should I respond?
Listen calmly. This is common in grief and not usually a cause for alarm. Answer factually: 'Gran died, so she can't be here, but it sounds like you really miss her.' It's OK to say you don't know about things you don't know.
When should a bereaved pupil come back?
That's the parent's decision. Plan the return with the parent, the teacher and the pupil, and acknowledge the death privately as soon as they're back.
How do we tell the other pupils?
Plan it with the family and, where possible, the bereaved pupil. Use the same short, true words in every class.
I'm scared of saying the wrong thing and making it worse.
Silence usually does more harm than imperfect words. 'I'm so sorry. I don't know what to say, but I'm here' is enough.