School pack · Headteachers, senior leaders and every member of staff
Looking after staff
Supporting grieving pupils is demanding work. Who supports the supporters?
← The school packStaff who support grieving children absorb a lot: a pupil's distress, a family's pain, their own memories of loss. After a death in the school community, staff are grieving too while holding everyone else together. Planning for staff wellbeing is part of supporting pupils, not an extra.
Signs of compassion fatigue
- Feeling numb, detached or unusually irritable
- Dreading particular conversations or avoiding a particular pupil
- Trouble sleeping, or thinking about a pupil's situation at home
- Old losses of your own coming back to the surface
- Feeling that nothing you do is enough
A simple debrief
Make time
After a hard conversation or a critical incident, gather the staff involved for 20 to 30 minutes, with someone not directly involved leading it.
Go through what happened
Facts first, then what was hardest, then what went well.
Check on each person
Who is affected personally? Who has had a recent bereavement of their own?
Agree next steps
Who is following up with which pupils, and who checks on the staff who did the hardest parts.
Who supports the supporters
- A named senior leader responsible for staff wellbeing after a death
- Regular supervision for the DSL, pastoral team and anyone holding a heavy caseload
- Rotating roles, so one person isn't the named adult for every bereaved pupil
- Permission to step back: staff with a recent loss of their own can choose not to lead a lesson or a class conversation
- Your Employee Assistance Programme, occupational health or trust wellbeing service
- Your local educational psychology service, for consultation and critical incident support
Where staff can get help
- Child Bereavement UK (0800 02 888 40) and Winston's Wish (08088 020 021) offer free advice and training for school staff.
- Samaritans (116 123) is there for anyone, any time.
- Your GP, if low mood, sleep problems or anxiety go on for more than a couple of weeks.