Special days across the school year

Grief returns at predictable moments. Most of them are in the school calendar. A quiet word a week ahead, and a choice about how to take part, can turn a dreaded day into a manageable one.

Keep a note of the bereaved pupil's important dates (the person's birthday, the anniversary of the death) in their record, and pass them on to next year's teacher.

Through the year

1. September

   New class, new teacher, 'All about me'

   • Pass on the bereavement in the handover so the pupil doesn't have to explain it again.
   • In 'All about me' and family work, invite pupils to include people who have died: 'people who are important to you'.
   • A new teacher can say privately in the first week: 'I know about your mum. I'm here if you need me.'

2. November

   Remembrance, Diwali, Children's Grief Awareness Week

   • Remembrance assemblies can stir personal grief. Mention that some pupils may be remembering people of their own.
   • Children's Grief Awareness Week, in the third week of November, is a good moment for a whole-school PSHE lesson.
   • Festivals of light can be a gentle way to remember: a candle or star for someone missed.

3. December

   Christmas, Hanukkah and winter festivals

   • Card-making and present-making for family: let the pupil choose who to make one for, including someone who died.
   • Nativities and concerts with an empty seat in the audience can be hard. Check in beforehand.
   • The first festive season after a death is often the hardest. Keep an eye out in the last week of term.

4. Spring term

   Mother's Day (UK, March)

   • Tell the pupil and family ahead and offer choices: a card for mum to keep or take to the grave, a card for another special adult, or something else entirely.
   • Say 'someone special who looks after you' to the whole class. It helps children in care and other families too.
   • In the US and many other countries Mother's Day is in May.

5. May and June

   Exam season

   • Grief affects memory and focus. Talk to the exams officer early about special consideration and access arrangements.
   • Offer a quiet place to wait before exams and a named adult on the day.
   • If an exam falls near the anniversary, plan for it in advance.

6. June

   Father's Day

   • As with Mother's Day: warn, offer choices, and use inclusive words for the whole class.
   • Some pupils will want to make a card for a dad who has died. That's healthy.

7. Summer term

   Sports day, parents' evening, school trips

   • Sports day and shows can be painful when a parent used to come. Ask who will be there for the pupil instead.
   • For parents' evening, check who to invite and how to address letters (never to a parent who has died).
   • Trips away from home can raise separation worries. Agree a phone call home or a trusted adult on the trip.

8. July

   Moving up and moving schools

   • Transitions mean losing familiar adults too. Arrange an extra visit and an introduction to the new named adult.
   • For the move to secondary (Year 6 to Year 7), pass the bereavement on in writing, with the family's agreement.
   • Children often grieve again at new stages, as they understand the loss in a new way. That's normal, not a setback.

9. Any time

   Birthdays, anniversaries and family-tree lessons

   • Note the person's birthday and the anniversary of the death. A quiet 'thinking of you today' means a lot.
   • Family-tree and history-of-me lessons: let pupils include everyone, living and dead, and choose what to share.
   • Science lessons on the body or illness may touch on how someone died. Warn the pupil beforehand.